i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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