some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The adults are the big ones right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
