Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
