Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
