I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
