He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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