But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
