I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
