oh god the rape fog is back!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
