Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
