dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
