I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
