she looked like the before picture.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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