We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize