So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
