So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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