I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
