my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
