New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
