Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
