i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
