he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
