Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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