The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
