During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
