i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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