Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
