Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
please don't ironically join a cult
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