Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
