the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
