Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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