I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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