I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
