she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
