He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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