I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
a search helicopter?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
