There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
