never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
