a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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