Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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