Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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