Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
