i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
