ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
