And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
