I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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