dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
