I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
