He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
