Porn is love you can see.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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