i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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