I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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