I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
