Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
