I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
